


Stranded Stars and Shells That Sing

by freyjaschariot



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 13:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15171800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freyjaschariot/pseuds/freyjaschariot
Summary: June and Nick finally get that day at the beach





	Stranded Stars and Shells That Sing

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me),

It's always our self we find in the sea.”

― E.E. Cummings

 

“Hannah, come here so I can do your back.” Hannah makes a face but scoots back on the blanket so I can reach her shoulders. I rub sunblock onto her sun-warmed skin, squinting toward the waterline where Holly is crouched down poking a hermit crab with a stick.

“Holly, that’s too far!" I jerk my head around. "Nick, can you-?”

“I got her.” Dropping the frisbee he’s been tossing with Moira, Nick strides across the sand toward our toddler. 

Too late. A wave crashes into Holly, sweeping her chubby legs out from under her. For a moment she just lies there, stunned, water dripping off her dark curls. Then her face crumples into an angry red tomato. Before she can really get going Nick is there, scooping her up, peppering her face with kisses. He tickles her and her cries turn into shrieks of laughter. 

Smiling, I turn back to Hannah and press a kiss to the base of her neck. “Alright, you’re done.”

She explodes off the blanket so fast you’d have thought she was sitting on a bottle rocket. “I’m going to sandbars!” she yells as she dashes off across the sand.

“Come back in half an hour for lunch!” I call after her. Shading my eyes with one hand, I follow her path as she scampers across the sparkling shallows to where several other kids are chasing after brightly colored skimboards. 

Falling down beside me, Moira pulls a can of soda out of the cooler, pops the top, and takes a long drag. Wiping her mouth, she nods toward Nick, who is walking back to us Holly riding on his shoulders. 

“Not gonna lie, I was pretty suspicious of Eyebrows when he first showed up.” She holds up a hand when I open my mouth to protest. “But I have to admit he’s a really good dad.”

He is. It’s amazing. Looking at him now you would never known that his hands shook the first time he held Holly. That I had to remind him to breathe, that she was hardier than she looked. The memory rushes over me like a wave. 

_We’re in a safe house, a small cabin, approximately fifty miles from the Canadian border. The heat is out and we don’t dare light a fire for fear the smoke will draw attention to our position. Instead the three of us huddle together on a sagging couch covered in a plaid blanket, each breath a puff of white as it leaves our lips._

_Without thinking I pass Holly off to Nick so I can run to the outhouse. When I get back the sight that greets me stops me in my tracks. Nick is cradling Holly to his chest, gazing down at her with an expression it takes me a moment to identify. It reminds me of a camping trip I went on with the Girl Scouts when I was nine. We were way out in western Mass, somewhere in the Berkshires, I think and without the smog and bright lights of the city it was like looking up at a different sky, each star a diamond pinpoint in the velvet firmament. I can remember the other girls' expressions so clearly. The wonderment and rapture written across their faces as they gazed toward the heavens. That is the expression I see on Nick’s face now; he’s looking at our daughter like he’s just seen the stars for the very first time._

_I sink slowly back down onto the couch beside him. Lay one hand on his arm. “This is the first time you’re holding her, isn’t it?” I say softly._

_He swallows thickly and nods. “Am I doing it right? It’s just… I’ve never really done this before.”_

_“You’re doing great. Just support her head a little more. There you go.”_

_He lets out a long breath followed by a hoarse laugh. “God, she’s perfect.”_

_I smile. “Well, I’m probably biased but I definitely think so.”_

_His face darkens. “I’m going to have to apologize to her someday.”_

_My brow wrinkles. “For what?”_

_“For the part I played in making the world what it is. I could have done more. A lot more. She’s not even two months old and she’s already had to flee the only home she’s ever known.”_

_I’m silent for a while. Could he have done more? Could I? Not after I’d been taken, but before? We had all been so complacent. So young and soft, thinking the world would continue on the way things were forever. When I think about the June from before, I barely recognize her. If we met now we'd be strangers. “I think…” I say carefully. “I think what matters now is what we do going forward.”_

_“I’m going to make it better.” The resolve in Nick’s voice is ironclad. His gaze is still on Holly. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make the world better. For her.” He looks up and we lock eyes. “And for you.”_

_I lean my forehead against his. Then our lips find each other and he tastes like cigarettes and snow. Regret and hope._

_Holly squirms between us and we break apart._

_Nick smiles down at her. “What’s a word for better than perfect?”_

Back on the beach, Nick turns around and makes his way back to the blanket. 

He swings Holly off his shoulders and passes her down to me. I cuddle her against my chest, savoring the warm weight of her, the smell of salt rising from her skin. “Hi, baby. So what do you think? Do you like the beach?”

She nuzzles into my chest, too tired to answer. Sand dusts the curve of her cheek like glitter. As I wipe it off another memory springs to the forefront of my mind.

“I can’t believe she hasn’t tried to eat it,” I murmur. 

Nick must hear me because he smirks. “Told you. She’s too smart. Like her mom." He stretches, the muscles in his back rippling from the motion, and I feel a tug of desire between my legs. “I’m going to go get a taco from the truck in the parking lot. You want anything?”

“But we brought all these sandwiches!” I protest. 

His brow furrows. “What sandwiches?”

“They’re in the red bag-” I turn. “Shit.” I can picture it perfectly, sitting on the counter in the kitchen. “I forgot it.”

Grinning, Nick stoops to peck me on the cheek. “Get me one too!” I call after him. He raises a hand in acknowledgement then is gone.

Holly has fallen asleep in my lap. Reaching over her, I fish her sunhat out of the bag on my other side and tug it down over her ears. 

I won’t claim things are perfect. They’re not even always good. We all have nightmares. Things with Luke are complicated. Things with Nick are complicated too but in a different way. And yet we’re here. Holly, Hannah, and I. Nick and Luke and Moira. We're all alive and free. It is enough. It is everything. 

_“It’s horrible.”_

__

__

_“No. It’s not.”_

So many things in life are made of light and darkness both. Yet right now, as I gaze out at the ocean, seagulls wheeling overhead, the smell of brine dancing across the air, one daughter asleep in my lap, the other one gliding across the sand on a skimboard, her smile so bright it’s dazzling, all I can see is the light.

**Author's Note:**

> comments = love!


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